We owe it to each other to tell stories - Neil Gaiman

Thursday, 29 July 2010

Some Shakespearean insults

There is no doubt that Shakespeare was a master wordsmith. Not only are his sonnets and plays amazing, but his insults are first class!!! I thought I would entertain you with some of them, truly brilliant!!!


  • Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death
  • Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat
  • No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out countries in her
  • Thou lump of foul deformity
  • Thou unfit for any place but hell
  • He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not, the ape is dead
  • You kiss by the book
  • Why he's a man of wax
  • You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so
  • Whose horrible image doth unfix my hair and make my seated heart knock at my ribs
  • You egg, you fry of treachery
  • Fit to govern, No, not to live
  • I had rather be a toad, and live upon the vapour of a dungeon, than keep a corner in the thing I love for others uses
  • Damn her, lewd minx
  • You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness
  • I do not like your look, I promise thee
  • You Banbury cheese
  • King Urinal
  • She's a great lubbery boy
  • Thou disease of a friend
  • It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice
  • Your means are very slender, and your waste is great
  • You are as a candle, the better part burnt out
  • I think he be transformed into a beast; for I can nowhere find him like a man
  • Away!, Thou art poison to my blood
  • As I told you always, her beauty and her brain go not together
  • I'll pray a thousand prayers for your death
  • Come, you are a tedious fool
  • He is deformed, crooked, old and sere, ill faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere, vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind, stigmatical in making, worse in mind
  • Were I like thee, I would throw away myself
  • Would thou were clean enough to spit on
  • I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands
  • Thou art like the harpy, which, to betray, dost with thine angels face, seize with thine eagle's talons
  • Your peevish chastity is not worth a breakfast in the cheapest country
  • He is open to incontinency
  • A knot you are of damned blood suckers
  • Thy mothers name is ominous to children
  • There's many a man hath more hair than wit
  • If thou art changed to aught, tis to an ass

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